A Most Perfect Weiner

I’ve never understood people who make these grand proclamations that they have no regrets in life.

I have thousands of regrets.

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The Story of Eli

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Many of us hope it’s the gift we’ll earn after our pain begins to dissipate. Hindsight comes after an amorphous period of time brings tangible closure to our pain.

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ANUS (Part 1)

It’s 7:12 a.m. on Groundhog Day.

I haven’t even tamed my morning boner yet and my phone has vibrated off the bed and onto the ground.